Today is one of those days when it seems nothing can go right.
The landord wants a lot of money, and I can only give him so much, less than half of what he wants to be exact.
I'm finding it increasingly harder to find a job, which frustrates me to the core, how hard can it be to get a job at the local Sainbury's? Evidently 5 years experience in a supermarket leaves you over-qualified for such a position. I've dotted C.Vs around Bedford Place but am yet to hear anything from anyone. This is becoming one of those situations where you can't sleep at night because you fear the worst.
I find some escape however in music, I sit down at the piano and try to transfer these feelings onto the keys but even that doesn't seem to be working at the moment. Every now and then a tune appears, but the inner critic strikes out with remarks such as 'juvenile' or 'it's been done'. Needless to say that doesn't help in the slightest. I do find myself exhausted at times, and I think to myself "is there any point?" This is a tough gig I want to be a part of, I want people to hear my voice and I want people to listen to my music but what are the odds? Lindsay messaged me with an audition oppurtunity the other day, and that was a shaft of sunlight through the clouds I must say, but I fear if I mess this up it'll only knock me down even more. I suppose in this business though you have to be knocked down before you can build yourself back up.
This is beginning to wear on a little bit, so I'll finish up. Things are looking bleak, but I continue to soldier on, a job will come and I will get the money to pay my landlord. And at the end of this week I'll begin to move my stuff over to my new house, they guys there are great and I can see a fresh start on the horizon.
Thanks for listening x
